In this post, I share some very spiritual and personal stories that gave me hope despite the chaos in the world. I share them because we all need respite – we all need a solid rock to stand on, and sometimes it comes from unexpected places. This was an inspired post and I hope it will give you some inspiration and strength with its content.
On Monday January 30, weeping, I collapsed on the floor of my bathroom.
This is what happens when hopelessness and despair overwhelm me. I can count on 1 hand the times I’ve done this. Once I collapsed on the floor of my dorm room after watching Hotel Rwanda. I’m not sure how long I wept for that – maybe 30 minutes, maybe longer. I cried so long I had no more tears. Another time, I collapsed on the floor in a melt down the first time I needed to take my son to the ER. In that instance, I lost control of my body, I was so upset. I didn’t have the luxury to let that continue however, so somehow I got myself together and brought him to the ER.
This time was different. The bathroom floor only came after months of emotional turmoil and a solid week of horrifying politics.
Opening my social feeds is simultaneously an act of courage and masochism. On the one hand, I need to know what goes on in the world. I need to engage. On the other hand, I am a highly sensitive person in every way and the energy of the present is overwhelming.
I am the kind of person who feels the energy of people, so imagine what that is like when the world is tied in knots, protesting daily. It’s not good.
I need to meditate every day, not to further my spiritual development, but to maintain my sanity and sense of self.
Sunday wasn’t much better than Monday, but something happened that lifted my spirit and gives me hope, even after my breakdown. I cling to it. Which is why I want to share about it here.
A Warning and a Reminder
Before we go any further – I need you to remember that all things are true. All the stories that you’ve read about, the fairy tales and myths – they’re all based on some modicum of fact. Sometimes the words didn’t hold enough meaning. Other times the meaning was lost, sometimes as a result of a logician turning truth into allegory.
The following is NOT allegory. This is truth. This is reality – the real world in a way that you may never be able to see, but you need to know exists because I know, when you acknowledge these things, you will find hope here. Despite everything, there is hope in the world beyond the visible.
Yin and Yang in Each of Us
Some time ago I began exploring the strange correlation of my physical pain. It appeared as though all my physical pain and ailments originated on my right side. That seemed odd. I began exploring different reasons why this might be the case. Eventually I came to the question of feminine and masculine energy and how the unbalancing of such energy can manifest in the body.
Now, I know this may be hard to wrap your head around – but go with me on this.
We are made up of a matter and energy. Energies interact with one another and with matter. Everything has energy associated with it – and so we’re all interacting with everything around us all the time, even if it is subconscious or at the subatomic level.
Let’s take this one step further and talk about push and pull of energy. We can think about it like magnetism. Pushing, thrusting, giving – these are masculine energetic states (yang). Pulling, allowing, receiving – are all feminine energetic states (yin). Both are equal in power and ability. These two energetic states are in all things – and required for all things.
They are in each of us.
It turns out the right side of the body is associated with masculine energy and the left with feminine. In short, the pain I felt on the right side of my body was because I was out of balance. I say this openly because I’d tried EVERYTHING else (including various Western medicine treatments) to no effect. That’s when I decided to try something new. It was time to explore the Divine Feminine.
Mother Nature Comes to Visit
Around the time I decided to explore the Divine Feminine, I began a relationship with Mother Nature. I’ve been growing in my intuitive abilities and understanding, and the deeper I go, the less books cover. I find everything I encounter to be difficult to explain, and certainly my doubting academic mind calls it into question.
But in a time when the Earth is threatened, when I find myself collapsing under the weight of threat, I need to share these stories in hopes that you will gain understanding (and perhaps strength).
All things have spirit – all inanimate objects, plants, and animals. Some have greater spirit than others – like a mountain as opposed to a cell phone – but spirit is in everything to some extent (think of it like energy).
To someone with extensive spiritual gifts, it is easy to connect to this part of life. What I didn’t expect was to see personifications of them… especially not Mother Nature herself.
She appeared to me one day, out of the blue as spirits often do, expressing a deep love for me, wrapping me in her arms, and nestling me in a cocoon – a safe space of nurturing transition.
I won’t get into the details of my interactions with this spirit, although it makes sense that people over time would have called her “goddess” or associated her with creation. She is an incarnation of the Divine Feminine, and all the myths and legends about her as a force contain ounces of truth, while falling short of her reality.
What I can say for sure is she is beautiful, nurturing, powerful, and to those who would cross her, incredibly dangerous.
And she is not happy.
I’ve seen her teeth and claws, bared like Kali (time) or Tara (space). In my visions I’ve seen her crack the earth and roll the ground. She does not fear the likes of people – her play is long and people will reap the consequences of their actions against her. She is all these things, and yet, she is incredibly loving and nurturing to those who know and honor her. And while we may not know it, she is acting. Mother Nature acts on her time in her way.
So even when climate changes, or an extinction event occurs, have faith in the resilience and power of Nature.
Stumbling into Kundalini
I’ve spent a large portion of my adult life studying religious traditions. While I was researching interfaith peacework for my masters program, I began a journey into uncovering the different knowledge and skill sets of other traditions. I did not, however, expect that I would engage with them in any practical way.
I was mistaken.
Religions are a starting place for understanding the spiritual. They have a great deal of value because of the structure and community they bring. They are, however, limited. There is always a time when a seeker will come to the end. The books and teachers will have no more guidance, and spiritual development must be continued on one’s own. At that point, the faiths fade away, and things merge into the universal.
In other words, shit gets weird.
Not long after I began connecting with Mother Nature, I received a surprising gift. I’m not sure if it was through Mother Nature, or a natural development of my Spiritual practice, but my Kundalini spontaneously woke.
In the Hindu yogic tradition, the Kundalini is the seat of Shakti (the Divine Feminine) that grounds a person to experience in the body. The Kundalini is sometimes described as a snake winding about the base of the spine. When awoken, it travels through the body to connect to the Source (in yogic thought, this is the Divine Masculine) and helps facilitate enlightenment.
If this occurs spontaneously, for most people this results in a variety of psychotic issues. These occur rather quickly and can worsen without proper guidance and intervention. People are urged NOT to pursue this on their own, because it rarely goes well. It’s best to have an adept yogi guide one through the Kundalini waking process to assure it is done safely.
I skipped that part.
My Kundalini awoke spontaneously during meditation, traveled right up my spine, connected to Source, and was perfectly fine. As of writing this, it’s been about a month and I feel great. I feel so great, that when I want to focus on that energy, I can, and it sends a wave of peace, love, and joy throughout my being. It is a profound gift, and I am incredibly grateful for it to occur when the world feels so chaotic.
My Earth Heart Stone
This all leads me to Sunday January 29. We went to the park. I was anxious about what would happen to my beloved Earth. Despite my knowledge of Nature, I worried about the timeline. I looked at the grass and thought about the national parks. I thought about my son and any grandchildren I might have. I thought about all the children that may come from around the world – what world would we leave them?
So I sent love to the grass and weeds. I sent love to the trees and all the living creatures in that little park. I sent love to the Earth – the very dirt beneath my feet.
And then I sat down on a bench and watched my son play. A few seconds later my husband called to me.
“What does quartz mean to you?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“The dirt was up-turned over here – I found this stone.” He lifted a hunk of rock to show me. When I first saw it, I saw a palm-sized pink heart, dusted with dirt. When he brought it closer, I saw it wasn’t quite pink, and it wasn’t quite a heart, but I knew that was the intention behind the stone.
It came right after I spent time sending love – it was a direct response of the fastest sort. It was my Earth Heart Stone – a gift of gratitude direct from the Earth.
I took the stone home and cleaned it. When I got all the dirt off, I saw the glory of that rock. It has white, red, pink, and iron inclusions. It has bits of shimmer and sparkles in the sun. When I connect to it, I feel it in my heart – like it magnifies and amplifies love. I feel the love of the planet beneath my feet when I connect with that stone, and it courses through my whole being. It is a better reminder to be patient and loving than I ever hoped for.
Watch the video below to hear this story and get a little boost of positive energy!
What’s the point?
I share all this because there are forces at work that not all of us see. They come into play in ways we may not understand or expect. God is far-reaching in ways we don’t always understand. Love spans distances that feel impossible to cross.
You are not alone. Not in the slightest. There are more forces working toward the highest good than you can possibly see, know, or understand. In the wake of destruction, remember, new things are created. On first glance, they can be frightening because they may be unknown or misunderstood. Have faith in the long game. Hold fast to the long vision. I believe in us. I believe in that vision of love. Everything I see in Spirit proves this truth.
- Between Chaos and Order: The Need For A Middle Way - June 18, 2018
- Spiritual Mamas: Intuition, Spirituality, and Motherhood - June 4, 2018
- Neither Selfish or Selfless – Only Loving! - April 30, 2018