This epic ultimate guide is all about long covid spiritual transformation. In this post, I share exactly what long covid is, how it impacts life, and how it impacted my life. I also explain what I mean by a spiritual transformation, and how even something as awful as long covid became a major spiritual gift for me and you too!
Chronic illness is the worst. I’m not going to lie – I don’t want anyone to get this ever.
The things that have happened to my body since March 2020 are epic-level awful. The things that have happened to my relationships are just as bad. Before we get into my long covid spiritual transformation, we need to know exactly what long covid is.
What is long covid?
Long covid is a catch-all term for any lingering symptoms or syndromes or medical issues caused (or exacerbated) by a covid infection that lasted past six weeks. This includes but is not limited to people with: organ damage, or the lingering effects of hospitalization; autonomic system issues (POTS) or immune issues (MCAS); as well as system-wide mystery illnesses like chronic fatigue (CFS/me), connective tissue disease (EDS) or fibromyalgia.
It’s basically a dumpster fire. Let me explain what that means practically.
Long covid is basically a dumpster fire. #longcovidsucks #longcovidrecovery Share on XWhat does long covid do to your life?
Symptom clusters for long covid can impact every body system from the skin to veins, to the GI tract. For more severe cases, it leads to a significant loss of quality of life. Some people are only able to use feeding tubes, for example. Others have to significantly modify their diet permanently, or go in cycles of modified to a semi normal diet depending on their symptoms and diagnoses.
Neurological issues can result in daily migraines, wide-spread neuropathy, and changes in senses (such as vision loss, hearing loss, or permanent numbness in parts of the body).
For those with heart issues, having a highly dysregulated heart rate can force a person to become largely home bound, if not bed bound. Some might experience arrhythmia. Still others might find their cholesterol levels suddenly uncontrolled by diet and exercise and are forced to take medication.
Even these “milder” cases, the impacts are significant. A person suffering from intense fatigue can end up losing their job, have difficulty caring for children, and struggle with even routine activities.
I know of many long covid patients who have lost jobs, housing, and suffered a divorce during the last two years as a result of their illness.
Literally every aspect of life is impacted by this illness.
How Long Covid Jacked My Life
I want to preface this with the fact that I did not have a severe covid case. I didn’t have “severe” symptoms compared to so many people I’ve encountered. There was no hospitalization. There was no organ damage.
My tests were mostly normal. In fact, I got sick so early in the pandemic, I never tested positive for covid or antibodies. Despite this, my symptoms and the way my illness progressed, it mirrored covid and then long covid. Doctors eventually came to the logical conclusion of a clinical diagnosis.
Since March 2020, my illness impacted the following areas and systems:
- cardio-vascular
- neurological
- connective tissue
- respiratory
- metabolic/GI
Over the past 2 years I’ve seen:
- 2 neurologists
- 2 pulmonologists
- 3 physician’s assistants
- 3 doctors
- 2 ER doctors
- Countless nurses
- Countless phlebotomists
- 1 cardiologist
- 1 dermatologist
- 1 ENT
- 1 neuropsychiatrist
- 1 vascular specialist
- 1 ophthamologist
- 4 physical therapists
- 2 physical therapist assistants
It’s been rough since March 2020.
While I didn’t have all my symptoms the whole time, and definitely improved, the prolonged illness upended many areas of my life.
If you have read other posts of mine or follow me on instagram, you know that upending things isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
The Gift of Spiritual Transformation
When I say spiritual gift, I don’t mean in the biblical sense. I don’t mean psychic abilities either (although it could refer to that in a different context). Instead I’m talking about any gift of a spiritual nature.
A spiritual gift could be psychic or intuitive abilities, but it could also be healing of spirit. It could be spiritual transformation. It could be spiritual maturity or growth. A spiritual gift could be a kind of metaphorical chrysalis of personal transformation.
Spiritual transformation is a unique kind of spiritual gift however. This is what allows for real growth – for progress in one’s spiritual life and life generally.
This is what long covid gave me.
The vision before the pandemic
In February 2020, I had a vision of myself at a rustic cabin in the woods. It was what a person might imagine a wise woman would live in, or maybe a witch. A large cauldron sat in the center of the structure, with something bubbling in the middle. I think Mother Nature offered me a bowl of whatever it was. I don’t remember.
What I do remember is she touched my skin, and when she did, my skin shifted into something like dragon skin – heavily armored and plated. My eyes changed so the pupils grew to slits. Fingernails lengthened and darkened, shifting into claws. My teeth grew thin and sharp. I’d become some kind of humanoid dragon thing. At first I was a little concerned.
But then the Morrigan (my spirit guide from birth), who was also present, explained, “Protection. For what comes next.”
At the time I thought it was strengthening my immune system, and maybe it did, because even though I got sick, I was never the worst of long-haulers (a name for long covid patients). Later, I’d come to see it as reflecting the supportive people who helped me during my illness (and a protective coating against anything less). At present, I see it also includes the abundant healing power of plant medicine and wisdom of Mother Nature herself.
Courting Death
Because people didn’t know what long covid was at first, and there were so many unknowns, it was very scary in the first few months after I got sick. In the beginning, I was confronted with my mortality and the possibility I might die.
When I faced this, it changed everything. My whole orientation to life shifted. Time distorted. Every moment was both an eternity and faster than light. I spent time thinking about what really mattered to me.
Faced with the possibility of death, I worried about my children the most. My youngest wasn’t even two when I first got sick. My husband and I settled on caregivers should something happen to us and drafted our wills. I wrote letters to my children and my husband in case something happened, to make sure I got to say all the things I really wanted to say.
Through this, I learned what I wanted to do, what brought me joy, and what didn’t actually matter. Around this time I had my first clear encounters with deities and began the next phase of my spiritual journey, into Celtic shamanism.
By facing death, I learned what I wanted to do, what brought me joy, and what didn’t actually matter. #longcovid #longhauler Share on XMeeting Some Makers
Before the pandemic and my illness, I didn’t really believe in deities. Intellectually, I knew they had to exist because of the things I’d seen in Spirit up until that time, but I wasn’t ready to entertain the possibility of their existence until my illness.
Ironically, it was Apollo who I met first as a clear and obvious deity. He became my third spirit guide. This makes sense when you think about his links to both healing and prophecy, as well as poetry and music – he’s really a perfect spirit guide for someone like me (and he’s beautiful, so that’s nice too!).
It wasn’t long after that when I encountered Lakshmi, which was sort of surprising, because I don’t see myself as having many links to Hindu deities. I think seeing her and interacting with her was more to pave the way for my real people – the Celtic gods.
The Cailleach was around this time, and then after many months with her, Cernunnos appeared. Taranis was at the same time. I was forced to admit my guide since birth was actually the Morrigan – something I’d been dancing around for a while, but had never quite been able to admit. Lugh was soon after. Then came Manann, followed by Donn, and Brigid. Around this time I realized Mother Nature could also be called Danu, and the Dagda made several brief appearances.
To say that I am close to the deities of my ancestors is an understatement. They are like family. We have dance parties. Some of them are always present, and I can talk with them at any time. They are deeply loving and supportive of me and the journey I’m on.
The Spiritual Chrysalis
Many goddesses over time have been linked to the underworld and experience a journey underground, and then a subsequent rebirth. I didn’t expect to have something similar, but in early 2022, I did.
In this vision, I started out walking barefoot on the dirt. I stopped, reached down and started digging. I uncovered what I thought was a mask with closed eyes. Suddenly, the eyes opened, hands reached up and pulled me under the earth.
At the time, I had the thought I could stop this if I wanted to, but no. I wanted to see where this led.
I found myself following this sort of goblin like creature with its kabuki like mask face, down a narrow cave passage way. The passageway opened to a great cavern, where there were more of these creatures. In the center was a great chrysalis or pod, slit open, luminous inside. The creatures all stopped and pointed at the thing, urging me to go inside. So I did.
The pod closed around me, but I knew I was perfectly safe. I could still talk to my guides even though they were not inside the pod with me. I was separated, but could communicate. This pod was just for me. After some time, I felt it was time for me to come out.
When I did, I was wearing a flowing gown and cape made of the night sky. The stars and nebula were real, floating in the fabric of the Universe which clothed me. I looked at my hands and saw Divine light. No longer did I need to source light from somewhere else. I was given my power back. The Morrigan and Cailleach greeted me as their sister. The creatures of the cave bowed. I struck them with Divine light and they faded, absorbed into me, parts that needed to find their way back.
“You remember who you are.”
That Time I Gave a Luminous Pearl to a Client
Over the years during my time in Spirit, periodically a spiritual being will give me a luminous pearl. This is both symbolic and actual. A luminous pearl represents enlightenment. When I’ve received these, they have been placed in a specific energy center of my body, and I found the next part of my journey focused on growing in that area.
I thought this was only possible for a deity or powerful Spiritual being to do, but I discovered that’s not true.
Not long after my chrysalis vision, I had a reading with a client and during my vision for them, I gifted them a luminous pearl.
I realized this marked a huge shift in what I was capable of doing, both for myself and for clients. Before that time, I wasn’t entirely sure what my chrysalis transformation meant, but when I gave that pearl to my client, I knew. I was permanently changed. It empowered me in a way I never had been before.
I could do the things on Earth that spirit guides do in Spirit.
It was a mind-blowing moment for me. And it took almost 2 years of a pandemic and long covid to get to that point.
My Long Covid Spiritual Transformation
During these spiritual transformations, I changed materially in many ways. I shifted my diet many times over. My exercise regimen changed over and over again. How I parented changed. Even my marriage underwent a dramatic shift for the better. I lost friends and gained new deeper ones. I spent time learning Korean language, k-skin care, DIY nail art, and most importantly began my journey into herbalism (courtesy of Nicole at Forest Floor Herbals).
But even with all these changes, the biggest was my spiritual transformation. I was empowered through my illness. This wasn’t a simple transformation, but rather, I grew into myself. I remembered who I really am, and what I’m here to do. I embraced my power in a deep way, and came to know my strength from the soul level.
There were many times when I was so worn down by everything, I was ready to end it. Before I thought I had experienced the lowest point, but this was lower. I fell down there, many times since March 2020.
But somehow, I kept getting up. And every time I did, I was stronger, more powerful. Every transformation brought more skills, more abilities, more wisdom.
Even now, though my body struggles, my spirit rises.
You know those crones in fairy tales? They show up, poor, ugly, and worn out, but by the end, you realize their appearance was a mask hiding their true power and glory underneath?
That’s me.
Only Long Covid Spiritual Transformation?
While I found my spiritual transformation through long covid, the reality is any chronic illness offers the possibility of spiritual transformation. It just depends on how you sit with the illness.
Don’t get me wrong – chronic illness is hard. It is a burden. Chronic illness often appears invisible to outsiders. It can also impact every aspect of life. And that is why it can also offer spiritual transformation. The key is being able to accept the illness as it is, and what it means.
I don’t mean that you take it and accept your misery – I mean to accept the changes and welcome the opportunity to creatively experience your life in a new way.
For example, if you’re experiencing pain, how do you cope with it? Do you focus on the pain and sit with it, fighting against what is and seeking what used to be? Or do you find ways to navigate and move through the pain? Do you relish in your limitations and find the joy in selfcare?
Everyone who lives long enough will eventually experience some kind of chronic illness. The question is how you carry it.
Everyone who lives long enough will eventually experience some kind of chronic illness. The question is how you carry it. Share on XYou can have a spiritual transformation too!
Chronic illness changes how we interact in the world. It also changes one’s perspective. Here are the few spiritual changes and gifts from chronic illness I experienced, and how they can be accessed:
- Mindfulness – when you’re in pain or struggling, it shifts your focus to being more aware of things in the present. Breathing through something, or grounding when emotions get too hard to handle can bring a level of awareness and even gratitude difficult to realize if you don’t have chronic illness.
- Pacing and rest – when you’re chronically ill, you find your limits and you stick to them. This is because if you don’t give yourself time to rest, or slow down your work, you will pay the price later. This necessarily slows your approach to living, and gives you space for other kinds of activities and modes of being rather than running the capitalist rat race.
- Confronting death – chronic illness forces you to confront the reality that bodies have a limit. This can either cause a person to become terribly depressed, or it can force them to live life as fully as they can and embrace what joys they can.
- Letting go and acceptance – this can happen in a few ways, but most important is letting go of who you were and accepting yourself as you are now. Who you are now is not who you will always be, but it is the present. And that’s okay. When you accept yourself here, it allows you space to welcome all kinds of new and wonderful things into your life.
- Compassion – having an invisible illness can embitter you, or it can be a way to grow your empathy and compassion for others. You know deeply how it feels when others cannot see the struggles of your daily life, which is why when you look at others, you acknowledge there are things unseen and unknown, and so you extend mercy and grace.
Chronic Illness Changes Your Life, but all change isn’t bad!
Long covid is horrible. It impacts every aspect of life, but that doesn’t mean everything that comes out of long covid is bad. In fact, I was able to experience a lot of positive changes in every part of my life because of my experience with chronic illness. And you can too, but it does require a willingness to look at life in a different way and willfulness to get up and try things within your abilities.
I believe you can, and you will. You got this.
If you want more insight into any aspect of your life, think about a psychic reading (visit my shop here, DM me at Instagram @alexis.donkin or email me – alexis (at) alexisdonkin (dot) com). I do a variety of modalities at various price points. If you’re feeling stuck, or you need affirmation about your path, I’m here for you. And so is Spirit – always.
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