I’ve decided recently that I want to say yes to things. Saying yes feels good. It feels expansive. I smile more when I say yes. It’s exciting to say yes.
When I say no, I find myself tightening. It feels like I’m closing off, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fight or flight gets triggered, and most of the time, there’s no reason for this kind of physical response in my cushy first world life.
Now this doesn’t mean that I’ll say yes 100% of the time. Obviously there are times where it is important and good to say no. But generally, if I can find a way to say yes, I will. This is for all different aspects of my life – professional and personal.
Invited to a conference? YES! Going out to dinner? YES! Meeting a friend for tea? YES! Trying something new that’s scary as fuck? Uh… yes? 😀
Why You Should Say Yes
Yes feels good to say. It feels expansive. Yes feels welcoming. It is inviting and allowing, encouraging and including. Even saying the word “yes” puts the beginning of a smile on your face.
When you say no, the opposite happens. It feels like everything gets tight. Things close off. Even saying the word no stimulates the fight or flight response. This is not a relaxing thing – it’s like insta-defense in a single word!
And when we hear no, it’s even worse. Someone telling us no not only stimulates that fight or flight in us, but it feels like a closing off. It is a kind of rejection, cutting us off from things. Enforcing separation.
On the other hand, hearing yes is a completely different animal. We feel accepted, included, valued, and loved when we hear yes. Success is associated with yes.
Those are all the psychological reasons for saying yes instead of no, but there is something else that is good about saying yes – it puts you into new situations. You are forced to encounter new things and engage with new people. This is good for a whole lot of reasons.
Saying yes stretches your heart and mind. When you’re hanging with new people in new situations, you have to respond in new ways. You have to forge new neural pathways and experience empathy in different ways than you may have before. In short, you grow.
In addition to growing your mind and heart in positive ways, saying yes also opens new doors in your life. If you don’t get out there and try new things, you won’t have as many possibilities. That’s why saying yes is so important and helpful! This is how you find more clients, speaking gigs, coaches, friends, jobs – you name it!
For all these reasons…choose to say yes!Say yes to find open new doors - more clients, gigs, friends, jobs - you name it! #intentionalliving #positivity #trynewthings Click To Tweet
Instead of Saying No, Saying “Wait”
The other day my four year old brought up two things he wanted where I could have told him no, but didn’t. The first was on the drive down to school.
“Mom, I want the BB-8 Lego set.”
I hesitated. Knowing the kinds of costs involved in those kinds of sets, I realized we were looking at minimum $50 for a set of Legos, and probably it would be for older kids because of all the small parts. Not wanting to give my son a scarcity mindset, I thought quickly.
“Well, I’m not sure what ages it’s for – so we need to check that out. It’s probably for older kids, so you may need to wait a bit before we get it.”
“Daddy said we need to know how many dollars it is – he didn’t say anything about the ages.”
“Well, that’s true too. It might cost a bit more than other sets. If that’s true, it might mean you get like one big present for your birthday instead of a bunch of little presents. And if it’s for older kids, it might mean you get it when you turn seven instead of when you turn five. Would that be okay?”
He thought for a second.
“Yes. That’s okay.”
The second thing he mentioned after school.
“Mom, I want to go to Disneyland.” My brows rose. I didn’t know he was even aware of Disneyland.
“How do you know about Disneyland?”
“I saw a commercial. The little boy looked like he was having a lot of fun!” he said earnestly. I sighed and smiled.
“Well I thought you wanted to go to the dinosaur museum [the natural history museum in Los Angeles]?” I hedged, mentioning a plan he’d been talking about for over a year.
“Yeah, but I want to go to Disneyland more.”
“I see.” I paused. “Well, I guess we could go to Disneyland, but I think there are other places where you’d have more fun, like Legoland or the dinosaur museum. Disneyland doesn’t have as many rides or things to look at like those other places. I’ve heard they’re more fun for your age.” I’d heard from multiple parents that Legoland was a better choice for his age, and I knew how much he’d love to see the dinosaur exhibits and the tarpits at the museum in LA.
“Well, can we go to all of them?”
“We can definitely go to all of them, but we might have to pick which one to go to first, and then wait a bit before we can go to the next one. Is that all right?”
“That sounds good!”Saying *wait* is a kind of *yes.* It's a delay - NOT a denial! #intentionalliving #loa #positivity Click To Tweet
Delaying, Not Denying
It’s important to remember that saying wait instead of yes is not a maybe or a no. Wait is a kind of yes. It’s just a delay – not a denial.
Sometimes we need to wait until things are in place before we can say yes, or before we’re ready to hear yes.
Waiting is not a problem. In fact, it can help you grow and shift in positive ways you never imagined – ways that a straight yes may not have afforded you.
So, don’t worry if you have to say “wait” instead of “yes.” Don’t worry if you hear “wait” instead of “yes.” Instead, look for the exciting new growth and opportunities created by saying “wait.” They are there. You just need to be open to seeing and receiving them.