christine alexis virgins of the screen.

Transitions are hard. Often they bring out all the old stuff – they bring out the questions and the leftover baggage. Sometimes they stir up that old Inner Critic – the inner voice of judgment. It’s not fun because it forces us to confront all those things again, along with adjusting to a new way of being.

That. Just. Happened.

Last week was the first week of nursery school for my family – the first week of school EVER.

I thought I would be grateful for the extra time. I thought I would be happy to have my son out in the world and meeting people. Instead, the first day I cried.

It wasn’t until before bed on the second day of nursery school that I realized why I was still off kilter.

Everything had been upended. Everything was different. My son had new expectations at school and suddenly I had new responsibilities.

For three years I was the queen of micro-productivity. I’d been using every spare second to get things done. It was relatively easy to do at home between snacks, PBS episodes, coloring, and neighborhood walks. Now I was forced to add things to my routine – breakfast at a certain time, lunches made, sunblock applied, spare outfits accounted for, and a commute that took up 1.25 hours of my day.

Part of me felt like this was a bad thing. I felt like I was out of control. I felt like I was losing it because my old rituals were no longer present. I wasn’t used to all the social interaction – so I struggled through the time out and about, while coming home and wanting to be isolated in bed for an hour. And for some people that might seem strange. It might seem like a weird thing to need – but I’m a highly sensitive person and transition takes more out of me than it does others.

So I keep telling myself two things:

  1. This is temporary. It will pass and something new will come on the other side that will be wonderful in unexpected ways.

  2. I’m doing the best I can – I forgive myself, I will adjust, and keep going.

I’ve talked about forgiving yourself before, but I get into detail about how that might play out in daily life in this guest post over on the Healing Grace Child Birth Services blog. Please check it out here and leave a comment letting me know how you forgive yourself!

Nursery school was rough.
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