christine alexis virgins of the screen. fuqvids.com

Loving yourself is not enough. Loving others is not enough. You need to do both to be whole. And getting there isn’t easy – it requires doing things that are uncomfortable. It requires transition. And transition means pain.

You can’t become whole by just holding happy thoughts in your head. Happy thoughts help. Happy thoughts are good (in fact they are the foundation which I talked about in this post here) but they are not enough.

You need to act. You need to express that love. You need to demonstrate.

Remember Madonna’s hit, “Express Yourself?” That song hit the nail on the head, though it was talking about romantic love. I’m talking about more than that. I’m talking about all around, everybody, everything, every place love.

I’m talking about an all-encompassing love that you can’t pigeon-hole or box (I even created an entire course about loving OUTSIDE the box!).

And it’s scary. It’s scary to love like that. Because loving like that opens you up to a whole laundry list of vulnerabilities. It opens you up to the possibility of more pain – of hurt – and that’s awful. Well, that’s what you’ve been led to believe.

But that’s a lie.

Life is not suffering.

Life is walking the path toward unconditional love.

Each time you grow and change, certain things must be broken. Things must be destroyed and reassembled to create the new state. And there is a grieving process for the change. There is fear about the change. The change in these ways, is in fact, painful. It feels like it is vulnerability and hurt, but that’s a temporary state of experience. That’s the process of moving from one place into the next.

That’s the transition.

You have the ability to stay in that transition phase – to prolong the pain. Indeed, many people do. And when you do that, it can seem really bleak. It can feel like everything is awful and that life will be like that forever. But that’s not how life is. That’s not how we’re meant to live.

Grateful For The Experience

I’m glad for my history. I’m grateful for every experience that has built and fostered me into the human I am today. It wasn’t easy. There were many times of transition. There was labor involved, and in the time of labor, it sometimes did feel like it was going to last for an eternity.

That’s how it felt to give birth. In the labor, it was eternity. There was no before. There was no later. There was the forever now. I was everywhere and everywhen. I was only there and then. I was myself and every woman. I was enlightened master and crawling animal.

And in the back of my mind was the memory, the conscious directing thought: This ends when the baby is born. An ending and a beginning in the same moment.

I felt every second of labor, and in my memory, there is only one moment, a flash of everything all at once. I know there was discomfort. I know there was pressure. I know there was effort, and a time when I couldn’t catch my breath. I know all those things. I remember them. But also, it was just a moment. It was just a single day in my life.

And then it was over.

I look over at my sleeping son right now, having grown and changed so much since that day, and I know he’s had transitions that were their own kind of trials. I also know love was his balm – his solace – through each one.

The Limits of Love

There are no limits to love. There are limits we set upon ourselves, but not to love. Love is a thing that multiplies and grows, without end. It is an infinite resource – something to which we can turn over and over again.

The only thing that stands in the way is the self.

But we can get out of our way. We can remove those barriers, but it requires transition. It requires destruction and recreation. It requires change.

If you can see the transition as a moment, seeing past it to the other side, and the infinite resource available, you’ll be grateful for it. You may even relish in it. You may relish in it because it’s a reflection of life – it’s a gift of transition, and that is a blessing. It’s a blessing to change. It’s a blessing to grow. It’s a gift to become more than you were before.

So yes, the pain of transition is blessing, because it is an indicator of something more wonderful.

Our Demonstrations

Valentine Card design, Feb 2014

I make myself vulnerable every time I share my personal story. I make myself vulnerable by publishing my work, by creating videos, and webinars, and courses. I make myself vulnerable by telling you every time I write that I love you.

This is my demonstration. This is my expression. This is me, walking toward unconditional love – and spreading it around.

Are you demonstrating? Are you expressing? If not, today’s a great day to start.

Need help demonstrating love? Or maybe just feeling it for yourself and others? Preorder my class, The Heart Unboxed, where I give a complete road map on how to love the unloveable – in yourself and others! Click here to enroll!

Alexis Donkin

Alexis Donkin is a life coach and intuitive helping creatives build lives based in unconditional love. She is the creator of The Compassion Letter weekly newsletter, and the online course, The Heart Unboxed: How to Love the Unloveable, as well as host of the Intentional Writer Interview Series and author of over 17 books.
On Being Eternally Temporary
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