christine alexis virgins of the screen. fuqvids.com

No filter, no makeup, just me.

I didn’t win the Powerball, but I did buy a ticket. I’ve never purchased a lottery ticket before now. I did it because at some point, with that amount of money, it seemed like the thing to do. During the waiting and thinking, I found myself thinking about value and about how things would change with such a flood of assets.

I have been at the opposite end of this spectrum and somewhere in the middle. Last summer, I was far on the opposite end and I asked what I was worth in a blog post. I was in a dark place and discouraged about many things. I felt poor, dejected, and nothing felt right. I was about to give up all the hard work I’d done in writing. Since then, a lot has happened and I thought it was a good time to revisit the question.

The truth is I am worth as much as I feel I am.

So how do I feel? These days, I feel pretty good. In fact, I would say I feel magnificent. I feel blessed in every aspect of my life. I have a family who loves and supports me. I have a sweet, intelligent son. We’re all healthy. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Every need is met. I just submitted three pieces earlier this week. I have a group of reviewers for my serial and I’m connecting over THRIVE.

It was a process for me to feel blessed and see the fullness in every part of my life. It took a lot of time for me to shed my ideas about what my life was supposed to look like, what success is (and knowing it is different at different phases of the game), and how I should be.

For example, I hid my faith through much of my writing. I didn’t want to be known as a religious writer. Practically, I’m not. My work doesn’t scream, “CONVERT NOW!” or something else ridiculous. I’m not interested in getting pigeon-holed and written off as a religious writer (which often happens to those who “come out” and definitely to anyone claiming the title “Christian artist”).

BUT…

Through my exploration of purpose and calling, I realized I cannot hide this part of myself. I am a deeply spiritual person. My recent efforts have changed my living so much that I am in a constant state – for lack of a better word – prayer. I am completely devoted to my mission – my calling – and it is intensely tied to my faith.

So I’ve begun to come out. In fact, this post is probably the most out I’ve been about my faith. When the SIX DEGREES curriculum and devotional come out, there will be no question. And I don’t want there to be. Part of living my purpose is being a manifestation of my faith. I need to be a demonstration, because when I am, amazing things happen.

When I live my purpose, I am successful. I needed to embrace this and once I did, things began falling in place. Life changed and I saw how important I was, how important each person is.

As I work through the 42 DAYS THROUGH FAITH devotional and read sacred texts from six of the world’s major religions, I feel this even more. They may have slightly different packages, but I see the universality within them – the yearning to capture that which is fundamental, other, and Divine. I see the thread that ties us together.

That thread is this: every person is a part of the Divine Creation. If this is so, they are precious, just as each element of Creation is. Each human being is a Divine Idea, holding the ability to co-create amazing things. We should live and act in way that reflects this.

My humanist friends can stare at me mouth agape, but humor me in this. It works for you too – just change the words to universal fundamental human value and add in a dose of quantum physics.

So at the risk of getting a bit meta, let me answer that question again: What am I worth? I am a Divine Idea, as are all people. I am worth all of Creation, just as each is, and I possess the Creative Urge, just as each does. It is a beautiful life full of miracles and wonders. I am full of joy, peace, and awe.

I didn’t need to win a lottery prize to discover this, and winning wouldn’t change it. This is a kind of deep knowledge that once understood, can never be taken, and pays abundant dividends.

The question is, do you know your worth?

"What am I worth?" Revisited
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